Last 15 posts from Dampf's modelling page

Foul Mouth Freddy Scours the ****ing Town

Posted on May 22nd, 2015 under , . Posted by

Illustration by Edward Jackson
Foul Mouth Freddy Scours the ****ing Town

Part one of a three-part linked scenario written by me with additional content by Craig Andrews
Not content with sitting on his a** during a total camp quarantine, the erstwhile anti-hero Foul Mouth Freddy decides to head into the local town of Burrow Port for a night of drinking and debauchery.
Will he find what he has lost and make it back to camp in time for roll call?
For nearly ten bl**dy days the bl**dy camp had been bl**dy quarantined, no one in and no one out. B***dy Bunny Flu had sent everyone into a frenzy. It was like Rabbit Flu but with smaller and more irritating leaps. The officers were snugly ensconced in the only stone building in the camp with, according to the logs, no one but each other for company. The twelve Catalonian Dark Elf ‘seamstresses’ who had come into the camp just before the quarantine had seemingly vanished and were not, again according to the logs, also in the only stone building in the camp. B******s! The bl***y foot soldiers were bored, so bored that they had even given up cheating each other at dice and cards. Foul Mouth Freddy was going stir crazy, not only was he bored ****less but he had no beer, no wine and no hooch to call his own. The brandy cask he’d been saving for just such an occasion had been bl**dy commandeered by the bl**dy officers and was no doubt helping ‘loosen up’ the senoritas who weren’t there. S**t! Well, bugger this, tonight Freddy was going off camp to the in-land slum of Burrow Port to get well and truly ****ing ‘bladdered’ on cheap ****ing ale and fiery brandy. Freddy needed a plan…
Pickets had been set around the encampment and had been ordered to shoot anyone trying to get out (or in for that matter). However, all that changed when a mounted messenger charged in with orders from the Catatonic Cardinal, His Holiness Jose Marianjo. Since then other troopers had been riding in and out on a regular basis. Most of the billeted Orcs in camp thought the quarantine was going to be lifted. Freddy knew there was no bl**dy chance. The surgeons wanted to be sure, and needed a full week with no new outbreaks of hopping. But some of the ****ing idiots in the 62nd had only yesterday leapt up with the feigned disease as it was their turn on the latrines. All the red coats in the camp now had at least seven days to go all because the South S***ing Mordor wanted a few days light duties. B******s!
As the sun set, Freddy hatched a cunning plan: nick the regimental coronet, an old Elven Busby pinned to the regimental standard, steal a horse and gallop out impersonating a Papal Messenger. He’d be in Burrow Port by midnight, ****ing ****ed as a slippery eel by two and still have time to nip into the Goblin Pleasure Palace before heading back to camp for roll call in the morning.
Stealing the Busby was easy enough, and Freddy took the first horse he found in the stables. Within minutes he was saluting the pickets and riding West at full gallop, the Elven Busby pulled down low so no one could recognise him. The journey proved uneventful due to his horse’s speed and soon he was jumping down and looking to have his first jug of ale. He quickly hid the Busby in a hayloft and allowed the horse to munch its way through some discarded hay. As he drank deeply of his first tankard he had a nagging thought that the horse really had been a beauty, fast too, but that thought quickly drowned in the full bodied ale of Burrow Port.
For those readers of a more delicate disposition, I will draw a veil over the next few hours and even those of you with a more active and debauched imagination will only be just scratching the surface as to what really went on. The only restraint shown by our erstwhile antihero was directly related to the number of coins he had managed to steal and cheat from his fellow soldiers back at camp and a couple of gullible Dwarves he met early on in the night’s activities.
Time passed…
The morning sun rose over Burrow Port to find Freddy laying face down in a street sewer, ears full of drumming, his head full of flashing stars and his crotch full of lice itching more than poison ****ing ivy. As he looked up at the rising sun he realised that he would have to make ****ing good time to get back to camp before roll call! As his somewhat addled mind became clearer he saw he had no Busby, no horse and very little recollection of where he had hidden them. With a suddenness similar to horse s**t hitting the ground he realised he had seen that beautiful mount before – it was the colonel’s personal mount, Sheer Guard, the most prized (and expensive) mount in all of Algarvey! S**t!
Campaign Objectives
Foul Mouth Freddy has to get back to camp before noon roll call by whatever means, or he is going to be in very serious trouble. Now the choices before him are a bit mixed. Before leaving town he can try to find the Busby and/or Sheer Guard. He can always pinch another horse instead, but the Busby is his passport back through the pickets without losing his ****ing stripes (again). However, if he does use another horse and the colonel finds out that Freddy was responsible for his favourite equine going missing – a good horse whipping would be the least of his worries.
Any loot Freddy may find, (when I say find, I mean pick up – well when I say pick up I actually mean, pinch) along the way may even help him bribe the pickets on the way back into camp. They do like a nice bit of loot or a bottle or two of the local rotgut brandy!
So the campaign breaks down into three scenarios:

1. Foul Mouth Freddy Scours the ****ing Town – In which Freddy searches the town of Burrow Port looking for loot, an Elven hat and a prize horse.2. Foul Mouth Freddy Speeds through the ****ing Forest – In which Freddy must race across the countryside on horseback past some local bandits and the ever vigilante Provosts.3. Fouls Mouth Freddy Sneaks into the ****ing Camp – In which Freddy must enter the quarantined camp, return the items he took and get to his tent before roll call at 12 Noon.
Veteran Orc Sergeant.
Freddy starts the scenario unarmed as he didn’t think to bring his musket out boozing with him.
Skill: Loud and Foul Mouth – Freddy has a coarse tongue and uses it often and well, In melee all mortal enemies suffer a -2 to their melee roll when fighting him. Undead are however unaffected. 
Trait: Daisy Roots – Due to the size of his large previously-owned-by-an-Ogre boots Freddy gets +1 Impact when he wins in melee. 
Flaw: Sauce – As per Flintloque 3rd Edition Rules.
Experienced Dwarf
Bottle (Small Improvised Weapon)
Dwarf MkII Musket (Unloaded at start of melee)
Skill: Rapport: Hans Prevail
Trait: Short Leg Jig (DITS p. 54)
Flaw: Bier Tap Blitz (DITS p. 54)
Average Dwarf
Bier Keg (Large Improvised Weapon)
Skill: Rapport: Rolf Herr Strict
Regular Ogre
Trait: Brutal Beast (DITS p.55)
Experienced Dark Elf
Skill: Rapier Fast
Experienced Dark Elf
Trait: Jamminess
This code is limited to only 250 packs before the master and molds are destroyed. Supplied with numbered insert containing optional rules and uniform guide. This ninth code in the Very Limited Edition range is, like the others, limited to 250 numbered packs only.

Roll call takes place 30 turns after the campaign begins so be sure to keep track of how many turns go by in each scenario.
Notes on Playing these Scenarios
Despite the detail included in the scenarios below each one takes about an hour to play through. Don’t forget that Freddy is against the clock to get back to camp, some tough decisions must be made. He will not get all the loot, he will not defeat all the bandits, he may not even get a chance to put everything back as it should be. The scenarios play well solitaire or with someone controlling the forces against dear old Freddy. There should be enough time in any one gaming session to play each scenario twice with players swapping control of Freddy. As with any of Freddy’s tales of adventure the re-telling of each tale washed down with rotgut brandy by a roaring fire leads to different endings. Who knows if the one you control Freddy for is the real story or just a variation on the original?
Part the Firste: Foul Mouth Freddy Scours the ****ing Town
Freddy has to search the town of Burrow Port trying to find both the Busby and the prize horse Sheer Guard and some trinkets and beverages to help ease his passage back into camp wouldn’t go a miss either.
Unbeknownst to Freddy, the Busby was actually picked up by some street urchins, who then sold it to a cross-dressing Todoroni who regularly appears on the stage in Burrow Port. The Todoroni’s wardrobe (including the Busby in question) is being guarded by a huge and dumb witted Ogre, with an IQ even lower than his vocabulary (and if you knew how few words he could actually speak you would realise just how low this is).
Not having been tied up well (or in fact, at all) Sheer Guard did not long remain in the barn he had been left in and during the course of the night has been acquired by a couple of shady Dark Elf horse traders who are even now getting ready to move South with their prize.
Scenario Forces
Foul Mouth Freddy
Map and Setup
The town of Burrow Port is not that large and to represent it for this scenario you need ten buildings laid out on your gaming table. You can roll randomly for placement if you wish but I suggest laying them out in such a way that the town looks believable. Maybe have a well in the centre in a small square, a church nearby if you have it. One edge of the table is the docks and can be laid out as such if you have the scenery, maybe even with a boat in port.
Freddy starts in a randomly determined street and is the only miniature on the table at the start of the scenario.
Scenario Objective
Freddy has to get back to camp; he can leave the town of Burrow Port at any time he is in the streets and not being pursued by anyone. However, if he is to make it back successfully he’s going to need some loot and booze to bribe people along the way not to mention Sheer Guard and the Busby if he doesn’t want things to get difficult later on.
Game Length
The game ends when Freddy decides to leave the town of Burrow Port. He can do this at any time he is in the streets and not being pursued.
Special Rules
As is common in small towns such as Burrow Port all the buildings are unlocked. Each turn he starts on the streets with no active enemy models within Double March range, Freddy can move to any building he wishes. Simply place him outside the building he wishes to enter and roll on the Random Street Encounters table below. If there are any figures on the table in pursuit when this happens they are held off table in reserve in case a Hot Pursuit result is rolled.
Random Street Encounters (1D10)
1-3. Urchins – Freddy stumbles across a group of local Urchins. Roll 1D10. On a roll of 1-2 they manage to distract Freddy and take a randomly determined item (weapons, loot or even the busby) that he is carrying. On a roll of 3-8 they call him some less than flattering names and scatter away into the streets. On a roll of 9 or 10 Freddy manages to persuade the ****ing little b******s that helping him is beneficial to their health and they tell him about one of the unexplored buildings. Roll for a randomly selected unexplored building as if Freddy had entered it (as per the scenario rules below). After this he enters the building he chooses. This takes 1 game turn and should be marked down on the roster.
4-6. The streets are deserted, he enters the building he chose. This takes 1 game turn and should be marked down on the roster.
7-9. Hot Pursuit – Any individual or group which has survived Freddy leaving their building is placed within Quick March range of him on the streets and a scuffle ensues. Choose one randomly if more than one has been discovered (this will make more sense after you read the entering a building rules below). No turns are marked down for his move but combat begins immediately on the streets. Freddy can, if he wishes, still enter the building he moved to but any chance of sneaking is gone. Any pursuers’ will follow him into the building adding to the mayhem.
10. Roll twice again on this table.
As mentioned Freddy can escape Hot Pursuit by making sure at the end of the turn he is more than Double March distance (using his pursuer’s statistics) away from any enemy and not in line of sight.
Entering a Building
When Freddy enters a building, roll 1D10 and consult the table below to determine what’s inside. If you roll a number you’ve rolled before simply roll again. When a scuffle is indicated you can either play inside the building if your scenery is to scale and has removable roofs, or alternatively using floorplans or tiles on a separate part of your gaming table.
1-5. Someone’s house – Whilst not finding the Busby or dear old Sheer Guard, Freddy has never been one to let a good opportunity go to waste and may search the house for loot.
The Loot Table (Roll 1D10)
1-3 – He finds a Small Trinket.
4-6 – He finds a Bottle of Rotgut Brandy.
7-8 – He finds a Family Heirloom – Roll 1D10: 1-3 Worth 2 Trinkets, 4-6 Worth 4 Trinkets, 7-8 Worth 6 Trinkets. 9-10 Worth 8 Trinkets.
9 – A weapon! Roll 1 D10, on a 1-8 he finds a Standard Pistol or on a 9-10 he finds an Exquisite Sword.
10 – Roll twice again on this table.
Mark down what Freddy finds on his roster sheet, the amount of loot he finds will greatly affect his chances of victory later in the campaign!
When searching for loot there is a chance he will wake up the owner of the house. Roll 1D10, on a roll of 8 or more the owner of the house wakes up. For every item of loot Freddy is carrying add +1 to this roll to represent the jangling of his overflowing pockets. If the owner wakes up then use the example section rosters in Flintloque: War in Catalucia (WIC), Flintloque: Death in the Snow (DITS) or Flintloque: Bier and Bones (B&B) to determine the owner’s statistics (e.g. I’m using WIC, there are 6 example sections. I roll 1D6 and get a 3, the 3rd example section is Orcs, there are 10 Orcs in this section so I roll a D10, I get a 2 so the owner of the house is ‘Arry Grimm, an Experienced Orc.) The owner is put in play 1D10 cms away from Freddy and rolls for activation as normal next turn.
6. The Bar – Freddy has stumbled into one of the drinking establishments of Burrow Port. Freddy must roll for Temptation as per the rules found in Alternative Armies 2nd Distractions and Asides supplement which can be found in the files section of The Notables Yahoo Group and also under the Flintloque section of Orcs in the Webbe. He can, if he so wishes, swap any two Small Trinkets he has on him for a bottle of Rotgut Brandy. Freddy reckons the Family Heirlooms are too well known within the small town to be swapped (but might be very useful later on for bribes).
7. The Disgruntled Dwarves – Freddy has burst in on the two irate Dwarves he swindled last night. They have been up all night busily drinking and planning what they would do if they bumped into Freddy again. And now they have…
Rolf Herr Strict
Hans Prevail
Both Dwarves start the game suffering the effects of last night’s drinking, to represent this you should roll on the tipple table found on Distractions & Asides 2: The Demon Drinke available from the files section of The Notables Yahoo Group and also under the Flintloque section of Orcs in the Webbe.
If playing Solo then use the Aggressive column of the Solo Aggression Table for the Dwarves. Freddy can fight them or, being faster than your average Dwarf, can run away. If he manages to defeat the Dwarves he can take any of their weapons he wants and also roll twice on the loot table above.
8. The Goblin Pleasure Palace – Freddy has stumbled back into one of his stops from last night. Due to his popularity with the ‘ladies’ (and not just because of the size of his purse) he is immediately surrounded by 1D4 ‘ladies’ wanting a repeat performance. Each ‘lady’ attaches themselves to Freddy reducing his movement by 1 right column shift to a minimum of Half Step. A ‘lady’ can only be removed from Freddy in one of three ways; firstly they can be bribed off with a trinket or heirloom (note that it’s 1 heirloom per ‘lady’ regardless of its value, or hers for that matter). Secondly a ‘lady’ will leave in fright after Freddy takes part in a round of melee combat with any enemy character, for that round he is at -2 per ‘lady’ attached as he defends their ‘honour’. Thirdly, Freddy can take up the challenge… Roll two D10s, one for the ‘lady’s’ expectations and one for Freddy’s ‘actions’. If Freddy’s actions are higher than the ‘ladies’ expectations she leaves him be, sated for a little while. It takes one full movement turn for this action. And ever being the gent, Freddy can attempt this on up to two ‘ladies’ per turn.
9. The Busby – The Busby is in the possession of Lula Bella De Cotti, the famed cross dressing Todoroni singer. Lula is fast asleep not having to be on stage until the evening. However, Dirg, Hir* Ogre bodyguard (and rumoured special friend) is very very awake and not at all happy about being confronted in the early hours of the morning by a uniformed Orc who smells like a Krautian Bier Festival’s latrine at closing time. The Busby is on the far side of the room past Lurg, it is a special action to pick up and stow the Busby.
*Hir being the gender neutral pronoun for people such as Lula.
If playing solo, Dirg will attempt to move into melee with Freddy every turn and will pursue him into the streets if Freddy goes for the snatch and grab.
10. Sheer Guard – Freddy has found the Dark Elf horse traders’ hideout! The room should be laid out as a stables (bales of hay, horse’s enclosures, etc). There are four horses as well as Sheer Guard stabled here. There is also a pitchfork (+2 in Melee) next to the door Freddy enters by. The Dark Elves, celebrating their find, also partook of a drink or two last night and as such they start the scenario asleep. Freddy can attempt to sneak past the sleeping traders. He may move at no faster than Half Step and each turn must roll to see if the Dark Elves wake up. Roll 1D10 in the Initiative Phase, the Elves wake up on a result of 10 or more. If Freddy has any ladies in tow they add +2 each to the roll. Also, each turn Freddy’s alcohol drenched form remains in the stable the smell gets worse and worse causing the horses to become agitated, making more noise and adding a cumulative modifier of +2 to the die roll every turn. Once awake the Elves can move and fight as normal. You should roll for the after effects of the Demon Drinke for them as per the rules mentioned above.
Oscar Herbiner
Ivan Boredego
If playing Solo then use the Defensive column of the Solo Aggression Table for the Dark Elves once awake. Freddy can either dispatch the Elves first or make a run for Sheer Guard. It takes Freddy 10cm of movement to mount Sheer Guard and he must fight at a -2 penalty if attacked in melee that turn. If he escapes from the stables without killing the Elves they will mount up and then pursue him and may show up on the Hot Pursuit result of the Random Street Encounters table from now on.
Miniatures for your Collection
VLE09 Foul Mouth Freddy
Foul Mouth Freddy is currently available now from Alternative Armies webstore.
This article was originally published on Alternative Armies’ content portal, Barking Irons, and later Orcs in the Webbe, where you can find more adventures for Foul Mouth Freddy, for details go to this link.
I will post part two Foul Mouth Freddy Speed through the ****ing Forest and part three Foul Mouth Freddy Sneaks past the ****ing Guards later this month.

Pax Bochemannica Re-Launch!

Posted on May 21st, 2015 under , , . Posted by

Image taken from the Maveryc Facebook page to illustrate this postI am greatly looking forward to the planned re-launch of S.P.Q.Orc – Pax Bochemannica, a game that sees huge Orc Nomans pitting their superior strength and equipment against tribes of un…

Joseph Lock

Posted on May 17th, 2015 under , . Posted by

Yesterday Sue and I had to clear out the attic as we were experiencing an overflow issue from the main cold water tank. While moving boxes from one side of the loft to the other I came across this ‘scratch-built’ model of a narrow gauge locomotive.Jose…

The Gnome Bakery for Panzerfauste

Posted on May 14th, 2015 under , , . Posted by

Earlier this year I was commissioned to sculpt a couple of themed buildings/terrain pieces for a game called Panzerfause, Actually Panzerfauste Reborn a project which is being led by Steve Blease (the original writer) and Rob Alderman (A close friend a…

Building Number Three – part three

Posted on May 11th, 2015 under , , . Posted by

I present to you the finished Building…..Del Boy Trotter’s Hovel.For more details of the build, please go to this link and this link.The model is intended to go with my Pax Bochemannica collection and you can see three of the Boche Hal…

My Latest Toy!

Posted on May 9th, 2015 under . Posted by

For the last couple of years I have been talking about buying a bike to ride back and forth to work and at long last I have finally gotten around to it…..I don’t need a racer or a mountain bike as I can take a scenic route to work that is mainly cycl…

Building a Galleon

Posted on May 7th, 2015 under , . Posted by

Sue and I visited the VE Celebrations in Evesham on Bank Holiday Monday, a celebration and Vintage Fayre which had out-door entertainers and street activities based around the old Black and White Bank at the top of the main street. We had a great day out listening to the music, browsing Vintage and Antique stalls and seeing a whole host of vintage vehicles.

My only purchase on the day was this book- Building  a Galleon – A Modelcraft “Planbook” written by H. S. Coleman and illustrated by L. V. Price. The cost – just £3.00.

The card-back book contains both black and white drawings and photographs of completed models plus four 20″ x 30″ double-sided paper sheets of plans and instructions to build a model of The Golden Hind.

Here is a taster of the contents and plans.

I couldn’t find a published date, but I do know that the book was published by; Modelcraft Ltd, 77 Grosvenor Road London SW3 Price; Twelve Shillings and Sixpence (Seventy-Two and a half pence.)

The images below show some detail off the main plans, which are in a very fragile state.

There were even card profiles for the sails.

I have already built a water-line model of The Golden Hind. For details go to this link. But this has prompted me to at least think about a second model!

The real highlight for me was the instructions, as they hark back to a day before Superglue and plastic card. All of the model was to be built from scrap wood, cardboard and inventive scratch-building. For example building the anchor from a split-pin or the railings from various beads.

A great find and one that I know my Father would have enjoyed reading and possibly building.


Narrow Gauge Railways by David Cox

Posted on May 4th, 2015 under , . Posted by

It was Friday 1st May and we had decided to have a tourist-y day in Stratford upon Avon. We had planned on a meal in the local Thai Restaurant, but at the moment were just promenading around the streets. I walked in to the Oxfam Book Shop and the very first book I saw (the very first one) was this one; Modelling Railways Illustrated Handbook No. 5 – An Introduction to Modelling Narrow Gauge Railways by David Cox.

I had first become aware of this book back when I was building Narrow Gauge Railway layouts. It was on sale in The Severn Valley Railway Station in Kidderminster. At the time I had thought that it included much that I had already seen. Fast forward 10 (maybe 15) years and I began to realise just how rare this book is.

I had even started searching for it on ebay, but the values it was going for meant that I was loathed to pick up a copy. In fact there are American Book Sellers who are offering the book for well over $100.00.

The near perfect copy cost me just £14.99, which is still above the original cover price of £9.95! I can tell you that I left the shop with a very good impersonation of a Cheshire Cat.

Needles to say, I’ve not put it down since purchasing it.

The book covers much of the subject matter needed to build a Narrow Gauge Model Railway and is very well illustrated with both Colour and B&W images.

A Great Find, and a Great Read.

Modelling Railways Illustrated Handbook No. 5 – An Introduction to Modelling Narrow Gauge Railways by David Cox
Published by Irwell Press in 1995
Cover price £9.95
ISBN 1-871608-45-7


The Cider Press – the painting

Posted on May 1st, 2015 under , , . Posted by

Back in late February I posted details of how I built this model of a French Themed Cider Press. For details go to this link. The image above shows the finished model; all ready for painting.Image two – I started with a Dark Brown basecoat, highli…

Todoroni Regiment – Finished

Posted on April 28th, 2015 under , , . Posted by

My On-Line Build for April, a group of eight Alternative Armies Todoroni is now finished.I have both Gloss Varnished and Matt Varnished them as well as adding static grass and occasional static grass clumps to the bases.I used my new Static Grass Appli…

Todoroni Regiment – part seven

Posted on April 26th, 2015 under , , . Posted by

With the end of the month in sight, I have persevered with this latest On-Line Build, a third regiment of Alternative Armies Todoroni. I have to say that I have not enjoyed the painting as much as the earlier two regiments and I put this down to one si…

Home-Made Static Grass Applicator

Posted on April 24th, 2015 under , , . Posted by

Earlier this week I read this post over on The Lead Adventure Forum. It got me thinking…..
I had picked up this battery operated fly swatter from a £1.00 store in Cheltenham some time ago with the intention of building myself a ‘metal tea-strainer’ style static grass applicator, one of those projects that I would eventually get around too! But this post had prompted me to build myself my own applicator.
Image One – The bare necessities. The Bug Zapper (£1.00), some spare Wire (free), a Metal Biscuit Tin Lid (actually my daughters, so again free) and a couple of Crocodile Clips (found in my tool box). The only other thing/things I used were two cable connectors (spares from my tool box) and a Bamboo Skewer which I added to the second crocodile clip to act as a handle.

Image Two – I dismantled the Zapper and found that there were three wires (two Black connected to one terminal and one Red). I joined the two Black wires together and then connected them to the spare black wire and the first crocodile clip.

The Red wire was connected to the spare blue wire and the second crocodile clip.

I have discarded the blue bat head and metal grills.

Dismantling and re-connecting the handle was a little tricky, but after three goes it all went back together and was now ready for testing.

I installed the two 1.5volt AA batteries, clipped one crocodile clip to the metal lid and added a sprinkling of static grass. The second crocodile clip was attached to a 1 Cent, Euro coin onto which I had painted some Unibond uPVA White Glue.


Image Three – To my amazement, it all worked, actually worked perfectly! With the individual strands of static grass being both lifted and aligned onto the uPVA Glue.

To operate, I held the metal coin over the static grass strands (glue side down) and pressed the button on the Zapper handle. I does take more than one pass to get a good covering of grass.

My Wife who was very sceptical and even now continued to make comments about wearing rubber soled shoes, was also surprised at how this worked and watched with interest as the tiny static grass strands jumped onto the coin.

I have no idea as to the science involved, but IT WORKS and I am now looking forward to applying static grass to my Todoroni – that is once I finish painting and varnishing them.

Be warned, there is quite a hefty static charge when the crocodile clip connects with the metal lid, lots of sparks and quite a noise, but this was expected after reading other static grass applicator posts. This was the main reason I added a bamboo skewer to the second crocodile clip.

I hope that this post has proven to be of interest.


Latest Charity Shop Finds

Posted on April 23rd, 2015 under , . Posted by

Last week I picked up these two books from different Charity Shops in Worcester and Evesham. The first is a copy of Tradition – number 51. The magazine is in very good condition but missing the colour plates from the centre spread. I bought it for just 10p.

Tradition is not a magazine I am familiar with, so this has proven to be an interesting and informative read. I particularly liked the illustrations.

I was not able to find a published date – but the cover price was seventeen and sixpence!

Update; See this link. Thanks to Edwin King (see comments).

The second book is a 8 1/2 inch x 5 1/2 inch booklet that lists 18 battles fought on UK soil since The Battle of Heavenfield 635AD to The Siege of Newcastle 1644.

The battle reports are varied, some being a paragraph or two, while others run into pages. The illustrations are simplistic, but the maps are effective in conveying the atmosphere.

This booklet was bought for just 99p.

Famous Northern Battles by Frank Graham
Published by Butler Publishing in 1988 (reprinted in 1996)
ISBN 0 946928 21 5
Cover price £1.75


The Todoroni Regiment – part six

Posted on April 21st, 2015 under , , . Posted by

Painting is progressing, although it is a little slower than I would like. I put this down to two reasons, first, I am working on a couple of other projects at the moment and secondly, I am still not certain about the Purple. I can see me re-painting t…

Foul Mouth Freddy Fools the ****ing Ferach

Posted on April 20th, 2015 under , , . Posted by

Illustration by Edward Jackson
Foul Mouth Freddy Fools the ****ing Ferach
by Tony Harwood
Foul Mouth Freddy returns in this cracking tale involving a small group of inexperienced Orcs going up against a full section of Ferach with only Freddy’s bl**dy brilliant plan between them and a horrid death. May Sentinel help them all.
Throughout the land of Algarvey there are few landmarks as well know as the Tower of Badlan. A huge red structure that guards the two main roads into and out of the sea port town of Jaree. In days longs past the tower was reputed to have mystical powers, but in this more enlightened time of Black Powder and the reign of Kyng Gorge, ideas of magick and mysticism are treated with much disdain and contempt.
The tower itself is situated just off a fork in the road near Jaree. The main road comes out of Jaree from the West and continues East towards the main built up areas of Murian, crossing a large bridge that spans the river. A second and lesser trod road meanders North-East through small hamlets and steep valleys following the course of the river continuing towards lush farmland to the East and far off valleys full of vineyards to the North.
Originally built as a fortified toll house the tower is tall enough to see in all directions thus protecting both the main trade routes and the river crossing. In times gone by a toll of one groat was levied on all travellers who passed by and due to the diligence of the tollhouse keeper and a small armed force he retained using the monies generated, the roads around Jaree remained clear and safe.
The tower’s nick name, Black Jack’s Tower, came about a short time after the Mordredian wars began. The original tollhouse keeper and his unit did not stay in the tower after the Annulment of Wylde Magick for reasons history does not know but, soon after, a new keeper took up residence. An Ostarian by the name of Jaques. Jaques was a huge black Pyrenean mountain dog, an ex-soldier of the Ostarian Army. He was very good at his job and over time the people of Jaree grew to know Jaques who, despite him being a heavy drinker, was fondly thought of by all for his many acts of heroism. It was said that Jaques had saved the lives of over a dozen townsfolk who (either by design or accident) had fallen in to the river. Black Jack, as he became known, is sadly long gone, but is remembered to this day with a stone cairn next to the tower and a small plaque detailing his many rescues.
Now, as our story begins, the tower lies empty and the roads are a lot less safe for travellers to Jaree.
Foul Mouth Freddy (our titular anti hero), Mad Micky Hooligan (a Guinelean Bog Orc of very average stature) and Kenny (a banjo playing Orc of Albion with a mouth only just a hint sweeter than Freddy’s) found themselves travelling south along the river towards Jaree to take part in an inter-regimental game of Kricket. A popular Albion sport involving smacking a grenade with the stock of an old Flintloque and seeing whose white flannel trousers could get stained the most. Catches and being stumped also had a part to play in traditional Kricket – but as you were only ever stumped once (a very very painful procedure indeed) this rule lapsed somewhat. Similarly, the unofficial (but remarkably popular with players and spectators alike) practice of tossing live and lit grenades at the batsmen has also all but disappeared. It was seen as ’just not Kricket’.

In preparation for the big game the three stalwarts of the Grand Alliance were transporting a wagon full of old flintloques and a couple of boxes of old grenades. As a lot of Freddy, Micky and Kenny’s time on the journey had been taken up by drinking and singing luckily, for the Kricket supplies, they were also accompanied by a handful of very raw Orc recruits and a Dwarven wagon master, Viragio, who had himself seen a bit of action during the Dwarf Sauerkraut Wars.

As they neared the area of Black Jack’s tower, Freddy spied a group of Ferach Elves approaching from the other side of the bridge seemingly heading for the tower. Bugger, he thought, there was a ****ed sight more of them than there was of him and his lot. He quickly realised he had three possible choices; One, Stand, fight and most likely die against impossible odds. No. Anyone who knew Freddy, knew that this was simply not an option! Second, run away and try to explain things to the the Provosts. Very very tempting, thought Freddy, but sadly he had to discard this idea as he was already in trouble on bullying charges (which were completely untrue, those bl**dy stunties were drunk on Krolsberg and injured by chance, it had nothing to do with the way he rigged the gun or the resulting ****ing big explosion). Thirdly, he could try to outwit the Ferach using all of the means at his disposal. Now that sounds like an idea worthy of our ****ing Freddy.
The basis of a plan forming just behind his eyes Freddy immediately took charge of what his military mind had already laughingly labelled his section.
He waved at his Guinelean colleague, “Oi Mickey, ****ing unload those bl**dy flintloques and be ****ing quick about it !”
Turning to the banjo playing Orc he pointed in the direction of the tower, “Kenny, ****ing get up there and start ****ing lighting that ****ing beacon and get rid of that *****ing wagon whilst you’re at it.
Last but by no means least he turned to Viragio, a smile forming on his lips. “Oi stunty!” he bellowed loudly, Viragio’s hearing not being what it once was. “Get over ‘ere. Now then, ‘ere’s what I want you to do.”
As Freddy loudly laid out his plan, Viragio’s face grew paler, scant minutes later Freddy had finished the briefing.
“**** me”, replied the Dwarf. “That might just work.”
Scenario Forces
Freddy’s Boys
Foul Mouth Freddy (Section Leader)
Mad Micky Hooligan (Section Second)
Ten Raw Orc Regulars
The Ferach
The Ferach are ‘led’ by Miguel Heap-a-Ton. Commonly known by his own forces as “Screaming Miguel Heap-a-Ton, the infantile, Ferach coward”.
Miguel Heap-a-Ton (Section Leader)
For the Ferach you can create your own section for Heap-a-Ton to command using the standard rules or simply use the pre-generated sections in the rulebooks (Captain la Grande’s Section: Flintloque: WIC, p.55; Sergeant Fontrelle’s Section: Flintloque: DITS, p.53) swapping out the Section Leader for Heap-a-Ton and using two of every non command figure to make a double sized unit.
Map and Set Up
The table should be setup as described in the opening story with a road running East-West and a river running North-South. About a third in from the East edge the tower should be placed and another, slightly smaller, road should branch off from here and follow the course of the river to the North. There should be a stone bridge where the road crosses the river. The stone bridge’s Western edge should be no more than 60cm from the tower allowing the Orcs to fire at anyone who moves onto it. The river cannot be forded due to the strong currents. To make the gaming area more playable some scrub, trees and natural earthworks should be randomly placed on the table.
The tower has three floors in total (ground, first and roof). For the tower interior 28mm floorplans can be placed just off table to show the positions of the Orcs (and the Elves when they get there).
Freddy’s player can place Mickey and the Orc Redcoats anywhere on the ground or first floors. Kenny starts the game on the roof next to the beacon. Freddy himself starts the game anywhere in the tower.
The Ferach can be placed anywhere to the West of the bridge. The Ferach player should also place Viragio no more than 5cm from Heap-a-Ton.
Scenario Objectives & Game Length
Freddy and his ‘section’ must survive until the relief cavalry from the garrison at Jaree arrive.
The Elves have actually been sent to retrieve the relics of Black Jack, an old Ostarian helmet and uniform pinned to the wall inside the ground floor of the Tower. The Ferach commander, Miguel Heap-a-Ton, believes his troops are invincible and have weight of numbers on their side. Upon seeing the Orcs Miguel went (as he was wont to do) into a screaming rage, he must killed the damned Orcs and get the damned relics and prove to his superiors that he is more than just a screamer!
Special Rules
Stalling the Ferach – Viragio has been sent to intercept the Ferach under a white flag of truce. In fact this is complete ******ks, as Viragio is more than a tad deaf and doesn’t really speak Ferach at all. Freddy wants the grizzled Dwarf to delay the pointy eared ******ds as long as possible so he can get as many muskets as possible pre-loaded to blow the ******d Ferach straight to Haydes. Each turn make an opposed roll verses the Ferach player with a modifier of +5 for Viragio’s first roll, +4 for his second, +3 for his third etc. The Ferach cannot make any actions until they win the roll or if a blackpowder weapon is discharged anywhere on the table or if they see any figures approach from the tower.
The Musket Pile – Micky and the Redcoats have hidden the wagon and carried all the old muskets into the tower. Each turn each Redcoat can forsake making any move/attack actions and reload one rifle and add it to ‘the pile’. e.g. on Turn 1 the 10 Redcoats reload 10 muskets etc. They can continue this until the Ferach have activated, they choose to stop or (if Viragio does his job amazingly well) until all 98 functional rifles are reloaded. After these reloads are complete the Orc player places each of the Redcoats at one of the windows in the tower. During play each Redcoat can fire every turn without reloading as they are passed a loaded musket by Mickey. These muskets, due to their age, Misfire if doubles are rolled on the firing roll whether successful or not.The unfortunate Orc firing the musket receives a Hit token and a Shaken token.
The Grenades – Freddy has not been lazy whilst Mickey and the boys loaded the muskets and Kenny clambered up to the roof. He has been through the bl**dy grenades and found five which he ‘thinks’ will work as their bl**dy maker intended. They are treated as per the normal rules for Orc Grenadier Bombes. However, they too have a chance of malfunctioning. When throwing (the firing roll) on a doubles roll the grenade goes off in Freddy’s hand… perhaps he should get a bl**dy Redcoat to throw the bl**dy things…
Lighting the Beacon - Kenny has been tasked with lighting the ****ing beacon. What Freddy did not ****ing mention is that the ****ing beacon has not been lit in Sentinel knows how many years and the ****ing wood stock pile he’s supposed to light is *****ing riddled with mould and damp. Each turn Kenny (or any other character) may attempt to light the beacon as a Special Action. To simulate the difficulty in lighting it roll 1D10 and add the number of the current turn, on a roll of 10 or more the beacon catches light. Once lit the Elves know that help is on the way and suffer a -1 Steady penalty in additional to any normal modifiers.
The Cavalry Arrives – After the beacon is lit roll 1D10, this is how many turns it will take the forces from Jaree to come to Freddy’s aid.
Expanding the Scenario
You could play out what happens when the reinforcements arrive, changing the goal of the Ferach to one of escape once the forces arrive on the table.
You could also run this scenario with a little tweaking as a Darkestorme scenario before the Annulment of Wylde Magick. Swap Dwarfs for Orcs and crossbows for muskets, change the Ferach into a Wood Elf raiding party with their hatred for the unnatural construction being their primary motive.
Author’s Note
As a very young boy my father would tell stories about the Tower, a red brick-built landmark on the outskirts of Swansea (now a restaurant and next to the Amazon Book Distribution Centre) and also next to the grounds where Uncle Freddy and Dad would play cricket for Mettoys (the Corgi cars factory which was based in Fforestfach, Swansea) – The stories would require that Freddy, Dad and the rest of the cricket team held of a whole motorised platoon of fully armed Germans (and tanks) with nothing more than a couple of cricket bats and a set of stumps – Oh those stories! Now that’s a childhood recollection to be proud of.
Black Jack is based on Swansea Jack, more details can be found on Wikipedia here.
Foul Mouth Freddy Fools the ****ing Ferach was originally written by me for Orcs in the Webbe in December 2011. It is the second FMF story in the very long series. for more you can go to this link.
It is my intention to include all of the Foul Mouth Freddy stories on my Blog over the next year.